Making Resolutions a Reality

It's that time of the year again, time to make resolutions on the last day of the year. How many did you make last year? How many did you break before the 15th of January? I looked up some statistics on New Year's resolutions and they are harsh!

According to statisticbrain.com, 45% of Americans usually make resolutions but only 8% of people are successful in achieving them! Eight percent, let that sink in. That is a harsh and scary number! Why do New Year's resolutions fail? Many times it is because our goals are really out of our reach. If we set a goal to make a million dollars in the next year, but don't have a job or any current ambition, it is most likely that this goal will fail. New Year's resolutions don't have to fail if you put a little time and effort into them.

The first thing to think about with New Year's resolutions is that they are really goals. Somewhere along the way, our brains got hardwired to think that the beginning of the year/month/week is a good time to start a new goal. It's kind of a reset button that we each get. However, the 11:59 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. clock tick is not a magical time that all our dreams come true and our happily ever after begins. But it can be! If we play it S.M.A.R.T.!

 If we open our eyes and realize that New Year's resolutions are just goals wrapped up in a pretty package, we can get real with them and be one of the 8%. How? By following the S.M.A.R.T. system and breaking those goals down into manageable bites.

First we need to write the goal(s) down. 
A written goal is so much more serious than something floating around in our heads! When we write the goal down, we take it from a dream, to the first step of becoming a reality.

When writing the goal out, make sure you use the SMART steps to make it achievable.

• S-Specific. You need to make sure that you are specific about your goal. To just say, "I want to have more money in 2015" is not specific. If I give you $1, technically, you have achieved your goal as that was one dollar more than you already had. Instead, consider saying, "I want to end 2015 with $10,000 in savings." That is a specific goal as it states exactly what you want to accomplish.
• M-Measurable. Make your goal measurable by giving it a quantifiable designation. Instead of "I want to lose weight in 2015," make it "I will lose 25 pounds in 2015." This gives you a number to shoot for and to gauge your progress. Now you may think that "measurable" and "specific" are the same, but that is not always the case. I can be specific by stating that I want to purchase a candy apple red Jeep Wrangler by the end of 2015. However to make that goal truly measurable, I need to break it down a little further and figure out how much money I will need each month to reach that goal. Then I will know monthly whether I am on track to achieve it or I need to adjust my goal.
• A-Attainable. This is a hard one for most people! Your goal must be something that you can realistically achieve, but also something that will cause you to put effort into it and cause you to change. If you have been averaging sales of $1000/month in your business, a $12,000 year is not a good goal as you are already doing it. However, a million dollar year is probably not an attainable goal for most of us as well. If you don't make your goal attainable, you will lose interest in achieving it and then what is the purpose of that?
• R-Relevant. According to the dictionary, relevant means "having a significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand." I mentioned that the attainable step is hard for most people, I have to believe that this step is the one that a lot of people don't even consider! When you are making resolutions or goals, you have to consider where they fit into your life plan. If your plan is to become a leader in your profession, taking several courses in clown school because they look fun, probably aren't relevant unless you are a clown. "Relevant" makes you look at the big picture: what do you want at the end of 2015? 5 or 10 years down the road? If your goal doesn't fit into that plan, you have to ask yourself if it is really worth the time and effort it will require to attain it. If you aren't planning to entertain children in hospitals or at parties, is clown school really the best use of your time?
• T-Time-bound. I like that phrasing so much better than "timely." Many times I have seen this acronym used and the T is for timely. Timely is defined as "appropriate or adapted to the times or the occasion" which really is different than "time-bound" as that means to give a deadline. If you don't put a time limit on something, then you will not feel a sense of urgency to accomplish it. When you write your goals, make sure that you put an expiration date on it. When you say that "By the end of 2015, I will..." you have a specific timeframe to accomplish that goal and you can set-up checkpoints to gauge your progress toward achieving it.

Finally, make sure you are accountable for the goal.

If you are a self-starter and go-getter, this can be nothing more than posting that goal where you can see it daily and can keep track of your progress. However, if you are like the rest of us, you need a little nudge every now and then and an accountability partner or group is a great way to do this. Find someone to help cheer you on and hold you to it when the going gets rough. Get creative! This year, I have asked my siblings and parents to start a new family tradition by sharing 12 New Year's resolutions for 2015. The plan is to tackle at least 1 per month, but realizing some will take multiple months. Not all of us are on Facebook (or online for that matter!) so instead of doing a group on Facebook (my preferred way to connect with specific groups), I suggested that I can do a monthly family newsletter so we can celebrate successes, keep goals fresh in our minds, and pay attention to areas we need to work on. We plan to get together tomorrow at our annual party to hash out more details. If worked at consistently, this can not only change individuals, but strengthen family bonds and that is what we Proverbs women are all about!   

Want more ideas to help you with goals and planning? Be sure to check out one of my previous posts on breaking bad habits. Or if you are a Pinterest addict like me, check out my change board:

Follow Karen's board Change: Life, Habits, and Growth on Pinterest.

Want a cool t-shirt to let everyone know you are a part of the 8% while helping my family out during my husband's recovery? Check out our booster to place your order by January 16th. 5 colors available!

Until next year... <3 ya all!

   

Last Minute Cookies for Christmas

I must admit that I didn't write yesterday. I thought about writing, but what is that saying, "good intentions pave the way to..."? So to make up for flaking out on you yesterday, here is a quick little recipe for last minute Christmas cookies that will make you look like you slaved away in the kitchen- reindeer cookies!

I first saw these on Pinterest and thought they were super cute! The original pin from Handmade in the Heartland gives a recipe for "from scratch" peanut butter cookies as the basis for them. Her recipe looks great, but there are 2 things that concern me so I adlibbed. The first concern I had was possible allergies in my daughter's classroom, so I wanted to avoid peanut butter. Although the darker color makes the reindeers look more authentic. The second concern was that I don't truly like to cook from scratch! At my house, we have Bert Crocker instead of Betty! Unfortunately, Chad didn't have the time to bake before her party, so Momma to the rescue!

Ingredients needed:
Ready to bake sugar cookies or peanut butter cookies
M&Ms
Milk Chocolate baking chips
Mini Pretzels

Time needed:
About 30-45 minutes for 2 dozen cookies in 2 rounds of 12.

Follow the directions on the package of your ready to bake cookies. When they are done, immediately decorate with the antlers, nose, and eyes.

Here are some tips to help everything go smoothly:
1) While your cookies are baking, cut the antlers down to size and separate the red M&Ms.
2) To cut the antlers, just remove the round parts of the pretzels. I found that using my paring knife, it was best for me to cut both edges at once, meaning I placed the knife down on the pretzel and pushed instead of sawing off one edge and then the other. When I tried to just cut with the tip, the pretzels broke instead of cutting.
3) Stick the antlers in 1st to give you a good guide for the rest of the face.
4) If you can buy the Christmas M&Ms it will save you a little time hunting the red M&Ms. Plus if you look at Handmade's picture, she uses the leftover M&Ms to create a beautiful display with her cookies!
5) Be sure to thoroughly cool the cookies and chocolate chip eyes before packaging. You can stack them by alternating the antlers, but you want to be sure the eyes are cooled so they don't stick to the bottoms of the other cookies. I used a large aluminum disposable roasting pan to transport my cookies.

Enjoy your treat! I will be back tomorrow with another Friday How To.

Merry Christmas!  <3 ya all!
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The Woman Warrior

Before I began writing this blog, I had begun running into women who were in some of the same spots I was. I was beginning to feel run down, listless (double meaning there in case you missed the start of my blog!), and beginning to feel pretty worthless all around. The "ironic" part is that at this time I was at the height of a new ministry, my business was running along fine, and we even had "extra" money coming in with my sub job. Those of you who are Christians may have cued in immediately on why my emotions and health took a turn for the worse if you spotted the words "new ministry." If you are thinking that I'm undergoing a spiritual attack I will agree with you. However, I also think that the enemy is just plain wearing out women and especially moms left and right.

I mentioned in an earlier post that women are the quiet leaders of our homes. In some cases, you are the head of your home, but regardless of marital status, women provide a heart to the home that men are not made to do. Now before I hear about it from a bunch of men "in touch with their feminine side" let me tell you that is a bunch of garbage! Deep down in our hearts, women like men to be strong, aggressive leaders and providers. Yes, we might like you to understand where we are coming from, but truly, we don't need another girlfriend. We need manly men who know their place in God's scheme of things and are willing to take it. God designed women to be the softer sex. He gave us emotions and desires that men just don't have. He did this so that we compliment our partner. We are not less than a man, we are different and that is a real good thing! He gave us a power of influence that brings us to a level of leadership that can exponentially increase the effectiveness of our household and husband or can topple our "regime." Because of this, we undergo a subtle undermining of our leadership.

Are you feeling less than your best? Feeling like you could care less? Maybe, though you wouldn't admit it to a soul, some days you wish you didn't have that child tugging on you to do this or that. Maybe it's not so severe, maybe you just feel blah, a bit unmotivated. Woman, it is time to take charge! You are under attack and you might not even realize it! Remember those emotions that God gave us that He didn't give man? The enemy knows about those and he will use them to his benefit. Let me show you with my life what I mean.

Right now, I want to be anywhere but sitting here writing this! Normally, I can sit down and the words just flow, but this time it is like pulling teeth- downright slow and painful! I know what I am feeling and that there are women right now who are feeling the same way, but those words just don't want to string together in any semblance of coherence. I would rather take a nap and it is only 10 a.m.! I feel like the weight of the world is pressing down on me and my family. I feel heavy and disinterested in all that is going on around me. I have no desire to go to church, no desire to work, no desire to make a home (notice I didn't say "clean the house" cause who really wants to do that?!). BUT I know that I am not to be ruled by my emotions. So, what do I do?

Do you remember the full armor of God? If not, grab your Bible and turn to Ephesians 6:10-18. We aren't fighting against what we can see, but against the one who wants to tear our families apart! So what do we do? Let me share with you what God says and then let's bring that to what we need to do in our home right now.

Look at those verses with me and let's relate them to our situation. In verse 10 we are told, "be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power." Did you catch that one? We don't have to be strong on our own! Nope, Sugar you can let it go (Frozen, anyone?) and lean on the Almighty for this battle. OK, I can hear you now saying, "that's all well and fine, but what does that even mean?" For me, it means that when it gets too much to bear, I can go somewhere where the kid, dog, and husband aren't and I can crawl into my Daddy's lap and pour out my struggles and ask Him for peace, wisdom, and more faith and He is faithful to provide it. Notice, I said where "my husband [isn't]." God gave me (and many of you) a husband to help me through the rough times, but he isn't the end all be all. I had God before Chad and I need to remember that God is the ultimate leader of our home and it is to Him I need to take all of the problems, even the ones I bring to my husband. If you aren't bringing those issues before the Lord that you took to your spouse, you are missing out on a whole lot of peace! I continually ask God to give Chad the wisdom he needs to solve the problems before us. When I'm praying that way, I know that God is giving my husband an extra measure of strength and endurance and God knows that I'm trusting Him and not just my husband to get us through.

Now check out verse 13 (NIV): "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Look at that last part, "and after you have done everything, to stand." We women try to do everything don't we? We have a million conversations and plans in our head, before we even have half the day in. But did you catch that? God just wants us to stand after we have put on the armor. What does that mean? It's His fight! So what is our armor then?

The belt of truth is the first piece. God is so cool! He wants us to listen to truth and really hear it. This is so important to women. We hear so many things throughout the course of our day and God just wants us to stop and hear the truth. We don't have to listen to what society is telling us or what that inner conversation we are having with the lady we just ran into is telling us (come on, you know you have those conversations!). Instead, we need to listen to the voice of truth. Where can we find it? God's word and His Spirit speaking to us when we are quiet in His presence.

Now comes the breastplate of righteousness. That's just a fancy way of saying morally right. When we put on that "breastplate" it guards our heart and keeps us on the right path. We have to make right choices to put this breastplate on. This one is really hard! We make so many choices every day that we can't do it alone. We need to ask for help in this one and after we have asked God, talk to your husband and/or an accountability partner. (Yes, I'm big on accountability partners!) It becomes too easy sometimes for us to justify our choices, so we need to be sure we go back to that truth and are listening to it. We need to have people around us who are willing to hold our feet to the fire and keep us heading on the right path. That is why it is so important if you are a stay at home mom or you work from home, that you reach out to other women and really connect with them. Women are communal creatures. We thrive best when we connect with others. If you find yourself becoming isolated, this is another tool of the enemy and you need to reach out to someone. Yes, I know that can be hard and scary! I've been there, done that. I'm still really rusty at times on making and keeping friendships, but I have always found that they are worth it!

I didn't set out this morning to give you a sermon, so let me bring up 2 more pieces of armor and then close. The first is the shield of faith. Whether you are a brand new Christian or one who has 80 years + in the fight, you should ask God for more faith every day. Imagine what we could accomplish if we all practiced this! Women of great faith do great things. There are all sorts of women mentioned in the Bible for their faith. Since it is close to Christmas, Mary, the mother of Jesus, comes quickly to mind. I bet even Mary could have had days where she doubted that she was carrying the Savior of the world. After all, she was only human, but I bet Mary relied on the Spirit of God to give her more faith in her times of need. Doubts will come your way, but if you continually ask God to remove them and give you more faith, miracles will begin to happen in your life!

Now all of these pieces of armor were defensive, but God gave us a weapon too. His Word is a two edged sword and capable of fighting any of our battles! God knew we would need directions and left them in the Bible. So how do we use God's word to fight the attack of listlessness, blues, and apathy? Let's look at the Proverbs 31 woman again. The 15th verse keeps coming to mind and in that verse, we see that she "gets up while it is still night, she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants" (NIV). Now, I'm not saying that getting up early is going to change the way you feel in and of itself, but if you have gotten into a rut, why not look to change some of your behaviors? If you already get up early, maybe you need to make sure that the first thing you do is your devotions. Or maybe you need to be sure that you are going to bed at a decent time. I'm speaking from experience here. You see, as my feelings of the blahs have continued, I have gotten to the point where I don't stick to a daily pattern. I have allowed myself to sleep in when I should make an effort to keep a schedule and keep myself balanced for my family's sake. I have rationalized this behavior by telling myself that I stay up late to read since that is "my time." So instead of getting the rest I need and waking up ready to face the day, I feel groggy and drained and end up cheating my daughter out of the mother she deserves. Not only am I doing her a disservice, but I am doing myself one as well since daily rhythms are important to our body's health.

Are you seeing a theme yet in my writing? It seems that God is teaching me about scheduling and sticking to a routine. Is He teaching that to you as well? If so, it's time to get crackin' girlfriend! One thing that I have learned is that if the same thing keeps getting put before you time and again, you had better start dealing with it and getting it taken to heart. Grab a girlfriend for an accountability partner and set that schedule! Tell her she can ask you when you got up and when you went to bed. Now here is the tough part, you have to tell her the truth and resist the urge to rationalize your behavior. Variations in our schedule can be expected at times, but if you are truly trying to get out of blah land, it's time to start working on it and being true to yourself by being disciplined.

One quick side note: I wholeheartedly believe in counseling and if needed medication. There are some instances of depression that you may very well need medical help for. This is not a weakness and is nothing to be ashamed of. If you feel that you need professional help, don't feel like you are giving up on God or that you don't have enough faith! God created counselors and doctors and medicines and we need to know when to use them. Suffering silently is not a virtue! In fact, situational depression can develop into chemical depression if not dealt with in a timely manner. If you have been silently suffering and nothing you seem to do helps, please reach out to a professional. I highly recommend that if you talk to your family doctor and she recommends medication, do seek counseling from a Christian counselor as well. Talk therapy, in the context of our beliefs, speeds the healing process and often times, gets to the root of the issue. 

Hear that? That's me stepping away from the podium and off the stage. I never intended to preach at you, but when the words were hard, I asked God to help me write and wow did I write! Now comes the hard part, I have to live out what I wrote! As always, comments or email are welcome. If you liked what I shared, the highest form of compliment that you can pay me is to share my blog with your connections.

Until next time, <3 ya all!



    

 

Breaking Bad...Habits That Is: Get the "How To"

You may not believe me when I say this, but I really didn't plan the timing of this subject to coincide with the end of the year. It wasn't until I was researching a bit more on breaking habits that I realized, "hey, it's nearly New Year's resolution time!" Yeah, sometimes I'm that dense...

On Wednesday, I mentioned that I was going to use my college education. I studied psychology. While I was primarily interested in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and some other "symptoms of war," I found habits and human behavior to be interesting. So I have aquired a lot of knowledge and mountains of info on this subject. Of course it is always the implementation that matters! Today, I'm going to share some of what it takes to break a habit or make a habit and point you to some people and places that you can get more info.

If you are not familiar with Dana Wilde and The Mind Aware, I highly recommend her! She has a fabulous training program for your brain and it is effective and easy. Dana uses "daily mantras" to help you get your mind heading in the right direction. Before you dismiss her program as a bunch of "affirmation mumbo-jumbo" be sure to listen to the study and thinking behind why she teaches you to use these. She has a lot of study and data to back up what she is using to help us become the people we would like to be.

I'm sure you have heard of the theory that it takes 21 days to break or make a new habit. Did you know that you are even more successful if you have a written plan for this? Many times, it is not enough just to say that you are going to change, but it actually takes the forethought and visual stimulus in order to change that habit. DIY Home Sweet Home has this awesome tool for you to get started planning and making your change:

Part of the equation of success is to have some sort of visual reminder in front of you every day. This chart not only lists all the whats, hows, and whys, but it also has that added bonus of having a "check mark" area. That's just one more way to "reward" yourself for the positive steps you are taking.

Another highly effective tool for change is again the accountability partner. Find someone who is working to change as well and share your goals, successes, and challenges with her. She doesn't always have to be working on the same issue, but many times it helps if she is. If you can't readily find a one-on-one partner, join a Facebook group that supports the need you have or find a support group in your local area. Can't find what you are looking for? Start one yourself! Chances are that there is at least 1 other person looking to change in the way you need to. The chances of your success increase greatly when you use the written plan and become nearly guaranteed when you use the written plan AND the accountability partner!

I just started a new Pinterest board for this specific idea, check it out:

Follow Karen's board Change: Life, Habits, and Growth on Pinterest.

The important thing is to identify the area (or "drug of choice" from Wednesday's blog) that needs to be changed and then be sure to cover that area in prayer. We can accomplish only so much when we rely on these tools (that are fabulous by the way!), but when we go to our Maker, miracles happen! Need prayer for an area? Comment in the comments section here or email me at shoppingwithkaren@gmail.com.

Until next time, <3 ya all!

What's Your Drug of Choice?

Ever have a morning where you just don't want to get out of bed? Maybe you hit the snooze button a couple of times and keep saying "just a couple more minutes." Then those "couple more minutes" make it so you can't get all of your morning routine done, so you are a little rattled, but no biggie. Afterall, you are able to come back to the house after taking the daughter to preschool. So you are a little "out of sorts" but manageable. Then it's time to wake the little one. This is always a game of Russian roulette. Some days you get a bright smiling face and others you are sure your child is an extra from the movie "Exorcist." Well of course since you slept in just a little, you get the "extra" child! You get an argument about breakfast, and argument about getting dressed, a million "I don't want to go to school(s)," and even some tears. If you have a little girl, maybe you even get the dreaded hairbrushing fight. Since you have already been arguing the whole 1/2 hour she has been up, she is in rare form! So the time to head out the door escalates it to full blown hysterics. You buckle in that screaming child, literally praying that you can make it through the next few minutes without inflicting emotional damage and hoping your preschool teacher can handle today. Just for fun, let's throw in a couple of road closed due to high water signs and make you 10 minutes late. Feeling pretty stressed? What do you do?

Let me introduce you to a few of my drugs of choice. (Yes, I said "a few"!) After dropping off my now sweet and angelic child (anyone else have a seemingly bi-polar kid?), I decide that it's time for a warm beverage. Now, I like a good fru-fru coffee, but right now, McDonald's has white hot chocolate. I love chocolate, it is one of my top 3 "drugs of choice." Put that together with "buying food" (another drug of choice) and I have a match made in regret land! What? Hold the train! What are you talking about with chocolate and buying food being drugs of choice? I thought you would never ask! 

This is where I get to exercise that pricy (and unfinished) college education. You see I have trained myself (and chances are you have too) with a "reward system." While I could argue that chocolate really does have a chemical that brings "happiness" to the body, in my reward system, it has gained an entirely weightier presence. Maybe you have a similar "rewards system" or "drug of choice" that you didn't even realize existed in your realm. When I'm stressed or on edge, I grab chocolate. If I'm out and about, I will particularly look to buy food (fast food, candy bars, a fru-fru coffee). If I'm home and don't have any chocolate or not in the mood to eat, I go to my all time favorite drug of choice- reading! Now this is a particular kind of reading too. I don't read anything that has a remote possibility of existing in our world. I have to have a total escape from reality. Now before you get your "back up" and decide I have no clue what I'm talking about, let me tell you why these things can be considered "drugs" in my world.

Chocolate in and of itself isn't bad. A little chocolate treat here and there can be a good thing. However, if you have "emergency chocolate" it is quite possible that you have an addiction and probably not a good one. Don't know what emergency chocolate is? It's a stash that if your husband or child gets into, you will most likely come unglued! In my house, it is the package of Hershey bars in the fridge. These can remain in there for weeks and then boom they get "moughed" down. Eating out, in and of itself, isn't a bad thing. However, when you know that you don't have the money to spend on it, but you rationalize that you just had a stressful episode and really need to just have some "comfort," then it's a bad thing. Reading is an enjoyable and relaxing hobby, until you let your domestic chores, your kids', or your husband's needs go by the wayside. In my "rewards system" these 3 items have become what I turn to for a "quick fix," a short little high to get me through. These things actually release chemicals in my brain to calm and relax me. In case you are thinking that doesn't sound so bad, what happens when I don't have them? I'm not a very pleasant person to be around! Now if this didn't sound to you like an addiction, perhaps you need to check out some similar statements by drug addicts. The only difference between what I do and what they do is that mine is legal.

Any of that sound familiar to you? What do you turn to when you go through a similar episode with your child or boss or husband (OK, hopefully you don't have to strap your husband into the car kicking and screaming!)? Whatever that is, if it isn't to the Lord, then it's most likely something we probably need to get a handle on. In Proverbs 31 verses 4-7 King Lemuel's mother admonishes him not to rely on drinking. These verses make it clear that leaders shouldn't let their judgement be clouded by drugs. In verses 10-31, who is the quiet leader of the home? Now notice I said, "quiet leader." I want to be sure that you realize that God places the husband at the head of the home (check out Ephesians 5:22-24) or as Pastor Bill says, he is the president and the wife is the vice president. Being a leader of our home means we need to choose wisely for our home. If we are choosing these "drugs of choice" to cope, are we choosing wisely? What can you do to replace these items? 

Betty Gray is one of my favorite Bible teachers and one of my personal mentors. I know that her instruction in this matter would be to memorize scripture and to pray. When faced with an obstacle we can't overcome, speaking the Word brings help that can overcome! If you really want to break these addictions, it will be a fight. These are well worn paths in our lives. It is easy to walk down those roads since there are no obstructions. 

When we decide to change these paths, we are going to have to fight through the weeds of: "I'm so tired," "it's just a little bit," "I will only sit down for a moment," and my favorite, "I deserve a little pick me up!" I'm pretty sure that last one won't be a weed, I think that it will be a boulder in the path!

Are you ready to kick your drug of choice? It's not gonna be easy. You are going to have days where your feet wander back on to the weed-free path. It's those days that you need an accountability partner. This is someone who you can be honest with. Someone who won't let you take the easy road, but will encourage you to stick to the hard path. An accountability partner needs to be someone who trusts the Lord and will point you in that direction in a non-judgemental and loving way. If you don't already have one, I encourage you to pray about this woman. Yes, I said woman! An accountability partner needs to be the same sex as you. Because you are dealing with some tough issues, you need to be able to take out added temptations and the enemy loves to throw inappropriate feelings and jealousy in whenever the opportunity presents itself. So take that opportunity out of his way and find a reliable woman to walk the path with.

Want some added prayer coverage? Just put a comment in the comments section. If you are feeling brave, put your "drug of choice" in there. On Friday, I will have some advice for you on changing bad habits. Remember, I'm walking down this weedy path with you, so feel free to ask me how I'm doing with my "drugs of choice" and keep me accountable. Talk to you soon! <3 ya all! 

Check out Pastor Bill's sermon on Marriage God's Way:

One Thing the Proverbs Woman Didn't Deal With

Last week, I started thinking about all the things in our lives that maybe the Proverbs 31 woman didn't have to deal with. Now of course, you have the obvious ones like technology and all that it entails and I'm sure if we think about it for a bit, we can figure out some other things. However, there is one thing I'm absolutely sure she didn't have to deal with and that is Christmas! Yup, that's right, this "non biblical scholar" figured it out! How do I know? She's in the Old Testament and Jesus wasn't born until the New Testament. Lol! (There's a lot more to it than that, but 2nd grade wisdom works here!)

I don't know about you, but Christmas is a season of the year that just brings so many emotions with it. I have many happy memories surrounding Christmas and believe it or not, not all of them entail gifts! Some of my most cherished memories are playing cards with my cousins at my grandparents house or visiting with my aunts and uncles. I won't lie and say that I don't have fond memories of gifts, but truly there is probably only one Christmas that I remember what gift I was given and what some of my siblings gifts were from when I was young. Here's a picture of a bike like the one I got that memorable Christmas (photo credits: BMX Museum):

 I remember more the people and laughter we shared. In my recent past, I remember the wonderful Christmas Eve celebrations with my church family at Seymour Christian Church. Every year, our staff comes up with a new and fun way to celebrate. It is a joyous and sometimes hilarious evening! 

As an adult woman, Christmas also brings up feelings of inadequacy, stress, and loss. I feel stressed because I feel I have to make all of everyone else's expectations fit me and then feel inadequate when I fall short of that happening. I sometimes feel "loss" at the things I can't purchase or gift for others. Do you feel like this too?

I grew up in a blended family. My birth mother died of breast cancer when I was in the third grade. My dad remarried and my step-mom became my adopted mom not too long after. My mom had a son and my dad had 2 girls, so they decided to legally adopt each other's children not too long into their marriage. Later, they also had a son together. So my siblings are like this: an adopted brother, Jason (39), a "whole" sister, Dana (35), and "half" brother, Benjamin (30). Of course, when I think of the boys, I don't think of them as being anything but my brothers. OK, sometimes I think of them as being pains in the butt! I tell you all of that to let you know that my parents made a hard choice to make sure that no one's family was excluded on holidays. Luckily, my extended adopted family helped out by accommodating our schedule so we could all be together. For years we went to breakfast with my adopted family, dinner with my birth mom's family (and yes, my family extended the courtesy of allowing my adopted mom to be with us), and supper with my dad's family. Some days, it was an easy time, other years, we didn't want to leave a certain family and it made it a little rough. Looking back now, I'm sure this was a very hard choice for my parents. You can imagine how my mom felt going to celebrate with the family of the "woman she replaced." My dad probably had some tough feelings in with that as well. Not to mention, it makes it rough to run all over 2 counties to be where we needed to be. Not a very relaxing time sometimes! Because my parents made that choice, I have some of the best childhood memories of family! (I don't think I have said this to them, so here it is: Thanks Mom and Dad!) I also believe that it is partly because of this that I consider my "adopted family" to be just as much my family as "blood family." I still call my mom's siblings "aunt" and "uncle" and enjoy being with them.

Now, I didn't share all of that to add to any guilt you may feel over the holidays. I don't have rose colored glasses on. I know we have a very unique family situation. When you throw in there the fact that my husband is a blood relative of my (adopted) mom, it gets even better! (Hearing banjos anyone? LOL! Before you wonder what crazy woman's blog you are reading, he is only a 2nd cousin!) Really, what I did share that for was to let you know that I'm not my mom. I have no desire to try to work in everyone's family and make it a happy affair. Luckily, my husband feels the same way. When we married, he told me that he is happy going to my mom's family's get together at Thanksgiving, but Christmas morning is our family time. I dreaded telling my mom this! I was sure it would be a big ordeal and she would tell me how many years she endured sacrificing for me, but the reality was, she told me I had my own family to take care of and my husband needed to be able to set the rules. Now that didn't totally free me up. I still feel a little pull when every year Mom still tells me when and where Christmas breakfast will be. It took me awhile to realize that this is her way of letting me know I'm still welcome and not a "guilt trip." 

Is there a Christmas tradition of travel that you need to let go of to be more true to yourself, your immediate family, and to God? I'm sure our Father never wanted us rushing around like crazy people and missing the real meaning of Christmas. If your travel plans don't make you a better woman, wife, mom, and/or daughter of the King, maybe it is time to rethink them. Have a talk with your parents, in-laws, or extended family and let them know that you would love to get with them at another time of the year, but the holiday is not going to work for you. Don't offer excuses. You don't have to apologize for making a decision that benefits your family. One thing I think we can learn from the Proverbs 31 woman and Paul's discussion of the family in Ephesians is that our immediate family (husband and kids in this instance) is our priority. If traveling all over on the holidays or having a ton of people over makes you a crazy woman, snapping at everyone, how does that benefit your family?   

Last year, after Chad's wreck, there was no way we could afford Christmas presents for our extended family. Truthfully, if it hadn't been for some church family blessing us with money, we might not have been able to give our daughter anything. It was very hard on my pride to tell my sister and my sister-in-law, that if they still wanted to buy for our daughter that was wonderful, but we couldn't afford gifts for our nieces and nephews. I shed some tears over that one. I learned a lesson though. On Christmas when we celebrated, those kids had so many other gifts that they didn't realize that Uncle Chad and Aunt Karen hadn't given them anything. It really got me thinking, is it necessary to purchase so many gifts? American consumerism would have you to believe that it is! Why do I feel like I'm a terrible person not buying gifts? If you are in a similar lifestyle choice as we are, perhaps you have already come to this realization: we are a one income household by choice and as such, I need to make choices for my husband, my daughter, and myself that reflect that. My nieces and nephews don't need a store bought toy to know that I love them, they just need me to show it. Their parents also know the fiscal situation we are in, through choice and through circumstances beyond our control, and I should realize that they know we love their kids and a gift doesn't prove that. The realization here is that this feeling of "I have to do this!" is all on me. It isn't my sister and brothers telling me that I need to buy gifts. It is a pressure that is from the outside that I have internalized.

This year, instead of purchasing gifts, my family is making gifts for our extended family. I have a picture that my Aunt Sharon made for me when I was young. It is one of my favorite things. You would think that I would have made this connection years ago and realized that store bought gifts aren't all their are cracked up to be. Instead, I bought in to the societal lie that we have to buy gifts or we are some how being cheap or cheating our friends and family. Or if you really get right down to it, that we even have to give gifts. 

I'm not a Scrooge. I realize that many of you love to buy presents for extended family. If I had unlimited (or even lots of) funds at my disposal, I'm sure I would love to buy gifts to as I'm "a giver." The point I'm trying to get across to some of you is this: if you are feeling guilty, pressured, or uncomfortable buying gifts, it is ok to not do it. If someone still chooses to buy you a gift (even though you let them know you won't be buying that person one), THAT IS THEIR CHOICE. It is really and truly OK for you to receive a gift and not have something other than a heartfelt "thank you" to give back.

This Christmas, give yourself the gift of a guilt free Christmas. Make changes in your traditions and habits that align with your beliefs. It is OK to change. It is OK to let go of traditions and things that no longer suit your situation. It is even better to bless those who are less fortunate than you! If you still feel the need to give, be like those families that blessed us last year and bless another family with money, food, gas cards, or gifts. When you give abundantly to those who can never repay you or give you a gift back, the reward of giving is so much sweeter! (Now after agreeing with me, look back up to the previous paragraph and see that some people still want to give without getting anything back and really let that sink in. Afterall, you just agreed that it is sweet to give when the recipient can't repay or gift you.)

I hope I encouraged you today. Until next time, <3 ya all!     

"Calendaring"- the "How to" of Planning

I'm not 100%, but I'm thinking that my Friday edition of this blog will most likely be a "how to" or tip section for the items I wrote about earlier in the week. So for now, we are going with that! This week, I introduced the blog and then talked to you about organization. Obviously, there are many types of organization so I'm narrowing it down to your calendar for the moment.

Did you get a calendar picked out? If not, you still have a couple of days to get that done to hold true to our pinky promise!
Follow Karen Browning's board Calendars on Pinterest.
I hope I don't throw a huge wrench in your works, but I'm going to talk about another tool that I use with my calendar- "the list." I found "the list" on Pinterest from Hoosier Homemade and started using her clipboard and "the list" idea. The printable of "the list" can be found at Clean Mama just be sure to scroll down the page quite a bit. She's got a lot of great other printables there for you as well!

Combining Hoosier Homemade's clipboard idea with Clean Mama's "the list" helps me to see the big picture for each day.

If you are wondering what my 3 categories are, they are work, family, and church. Depending on what day it is and what I'm focusing on that day, is what goes in the large box. My daughter goes to preschool 3 days a week, so those days I usually have a work or church/ministry focus. Her off days, I try to have a family focus where I'm doing more housework and am more readily available to her. The big 3 at the top are the 3 things I must get done that day. When I plan my week out like this first, it is much easier to plan my time in on my calendar. I look at the items to do, estimate the time it will take me, and put those items onto my daily calendar according to the time and duration I have planned for them. I like the clipboards because I can take the one with me I am working on and write down ideas or other items while I'm working on other things.

In case you wanted to know, yes, I do use a monthly calendar as well. I usually just write deadlines or appointments on it. This calendar is where my husband can see it so he knows where I will be and if he has any appointments. We also use an electronic calendar (Cozi) to put appointments on. This app syncs between our 2 cell phones and gives us reminders. You are probably thinking, "when do you have time to do all of that???" Remember, I told you that I usually forget where I'm supposed to be? The Cozi is my priority for family stuff and then the paper monthly calendar gets updated usually weekly. I usually don't forget my cell phone, so that is the first place I put anything. Yes, it is my electronic brain!

Now if you don't like the combo of planning your list first and then plugging them into your calendar, you can try a technique called calendar blocking. Calendar blocking is a simple way to start and usually uses a month focus first and then down to a day focus. This is a technique that I teach to my team members in my business and one that is a great place to get used to calendaring.

To begin, grab the month you are going to work with and a couple of highlighters, markers, or crayons (that's right- use what's handy!). You don't have to have different colors, but if you are a visual person, this might be your preference. I'm going to speak to the multi-color approach. Choose 2-3 colors and designate what you will use them for (ie., pink- business, yellow- office day, blue- family, etc.). Be sure to mark your family days being sure that you have church times, date nights, and kids' events marked. I usually always mark the first and last days of the month in yellow for office as I know I will have monthly duties those days. Now if you have a home based business like I do, pick the days that you are available to work (in my case party outside the home) and mark those with pink. Now look over your calendar and make sure you have all of the important days marked. This will be your basis for planning your daily and weekly calendar.

Move your monthly calendar to the side, where you can still see it and grab either the weekly or daily one you will be using. I'm going to speak to the daily calendar, but if you prefer a weekly, you can adapt these tools to it. Now get your days for that first week in front of you and look at what you will have planned that week. I prefer to mark the top of the page that I'm using as to what focus it will be (work, family, or church/ministry) from "the list" planning I did. This just keeps me focused on what I need to be on each day. Now I make sure and plan that day's time around the event(s) that need to occur that day. Again it is an estimation of the time required to finish that task and move on.

A family focused day might look like this: 6:30-7 bath, dressed; 7-7:30 breakfast and devotional; 7:30-8 free Facebook (not for business); 8-8:30 get Miss D up and ready; 8:30-9 breakfast for Miss D and dishes; 9-9:15 start laundry; 9:15-9:45 supervise learning activity; 9:45-10:00 laundry; 10:00-10:30 pick up house while Miss D plays; 10:30-11:00 Facebook or Pinterest for business, (10:45 snack for Miss D), 11:00-11:30 household finances/correspondence; 11:30-11:45 laundry; 11:45-12:15 fix lunch for Miss D and then dishes; 12:15-12:45 fix supper (I use the crockpot a lot) and dishes; 12:45-2:45 Miss D's nap and my free time or writing time. You get the idea! I try to limit my business on these days and really try to focus on getting housework done and any homework or learning activities that Miss D may have. We usually have some time in the evening that we play together as a family.

Now before you think I have it all together, I don't! I know what I'm supposed to do, but that follow through is the hard part! That is what I will be working on and sharing with you in the next few weeks. I hope that these 2 approaches to calendaring gave you an idea of where to start. I welcome questions, comments, and suggestions in the comment section below. Until next week, <3 ya all!  

Here's another place to find some of the forms I like:

Follow Karen Browning's board Binder Organization Systems on Pinterest.

Doing a 180...Again!

I told you in my last blog that I wouldn't be doing a verse by verse study, but just going with what God was showing me at the moment. Of course, I did have a small plan in place, but it got changed this morning. I had fully intended to write about one thing, but something else got put on my heart.

Did you take some time to read Proverbs 31? If you are in a similar place to me, it's kinda daunting, isn't it? Who can do all that and still keep her sanity??? I mean really God, what were You thinking? If you are like me, you probably read through the latter verses with a checklist in mind. "Yup, God, I got that one down!" "Oh, that one needs some work." "Ha! Never in a million years!" Am I right? But if you are completely honest with yourself, did you feel a bit of longing reading those verses? Did something spark in your soul? Read it again and listen with your heart and see what verse resonates within. It may be a verse that doesn't have a point of context in your life right at the moment. If it was one of the verses mentioning children, and you don't have children, there is still a reason that verse resonated with you. Mark those verses in your Bible. If that simple command sent you in a tizzy, let me suggest this: buy another Bible that you can feel free to mark in. I write in my Bible constantly and have several. When one gets marked up pretty good, I go to another. Those notes always bring a different point of view and insight when I go back to look at them in the future. Still having trouble with it? When I pass away, my daughter, nieces and nephews, or in the case of the rapture, strangers will have some point of view to tie that verse in with their present life. I'm not "adding to" or "taking away" from scripture, just giving it a point of reference in my life. If you have a study Bible, you already have that with the notes at the bottom of the page. Lightbulb moment anyone? If you still can't bring yourself to write in your Bible, keep a notebook handy and be sure and write down those resonating verses.

When I read through the verses on "The Wife of Noble Character" one thing stood out to be as a theme, this woman is organized! (Remember, I told you that I don't believe this is all one woman, but for simplicity's sake, I will usually reference these passages with "she" and "her" just so I'm not typing a book each time.) There is no way that even a fraction of the things listed can be accomplished without prior planning and forethought. Which brings me to what's on my heart today- scheduling.

When I was younger, I lived and breathed by my Dayplanner. I had my week all planned out and knew what was going to happen and how I was going to achieve it. Somewhere along the way, I lost that drive or rather allowed it to be stolen from me. Confession time! I have been married 2 times prior to my current husband. Neither of those marriages was a match made in Heaven. I don't say that flippantly, I truly believe that God made Chad and I to be together. Had I waited for my husband, many things could have been avoided and today's focus is probably one of them.

I married for the first time when I was 20. He was the typical "bad boy" and someone I had known from school and my bus. I was in love with "being in love" and he fit into that. It was a "whirlwind romance" and marriage, but if I had watched for the signs, I could have seen that things wouldn't work out. My first husband didn't have the plans and dreams that I did. My dad told me once, "if [he] has enough money in his pocket for cigarettes and a little spending, he's happy." It was true. Now please don't get me wrong, there may be nothing inherently bad in that, but when you know that you have more things in life planned than that, it is a disaster. The marriage lasted about 5 years. During that time, I lost a lot of my ambition and planning. My Dayplanner was a thing of the past. I struggled with my beliefs the whole time but eventually it ended and life changed and I seemed to be back on course.

Well the course change lasted for a couple of years. These years were good and hard. They were good in that I began to find myself again. I got a job working in a huge company that paid for my training (and gave me a new Dayplanner!) and gave me options. They were hard in that I had to relearn my place in the Kingdom and how to do it single. I ended up going on a mission trip and working with Youth for Christ. I loved it! Unfortunately, I didn't learn my lesson on judging men well and this time rushed into "love" with someone I thought loved the Lord like I did. Instead of watching for the proof of the Spirit, I only saw what I wanted to see. This marriage was much harder. It was way harder because of the dual life that was emerging. There was the Sunday/public face and the one at home. It is not my intention to "air dirty laundry," so I will just say that I feel for any woman who thinks that others don't know what is happening behind closed doors. I do. It's not pretty and it can strip you of your dignity, your well being, and who you are. I continued to make bad choices and suffered through this marriage for about 6 years. Not a really great track record with men, huh?

So the young woman who started out knowing what she wanted from life, knowing how she was going to get there, and had it planned to the tee, ended up being jaded, angry, and disorganized. I re-met the love of my life and have been with him for 7 years and married for 5. The problem is that I am madly in love with my husband, but he didn't get the woman who had dreams and knew how to get them. Instead, he got the woman who can start a project but has no interest in staying with it; the woman who forgets where she is supposed to be half of the time; the woman who tends to be selfish when no one is looking. I don't want that for my husband or for myself and I know that God has no interest in me being this way.

Now don't get me wrong, I know that I am my own worst critic. I know that when you write something like that, it comes out harsh and I know that there is a lot of good in me and I do a lot of good, BUT there is part of me that feels the bad and there are a lot of you who feel that way too. We didn't take the same path to get here. Maybe, you didn't go through 2 previous marriages (I hope!), maybe you have had the love of your life since the get go, but something just isn't right. You feel like life is slipping by and wonder if you will ever catch-up. I said that I don't have all of the answers, but I do believe I have an inkling of where we need to go.

I used to be that calendar living type of girl. Then when I made wrong choices and later when I had a baby and things changed, I used to secretly make fun of those moms who had everything written down and lived by that schedule. "Schedule in a play date?" Yeah riiiiight! Here's another confession: I thought those moms were anal. What???? You feel that way too? Ha- we are wrong! Now yes, some of them are anal (sorry I'm a little crass on this, but I'm being honest and me), but the majority of them aren't. Did you know that John Maxwell plans out every one of his days and knows exactly what he is going to be doing? He even plans his free time. I don't know about you, but I consider Mr. Maxwell to be a pretty successful guy! Most of the successful women I have met and have the pleasure of asking these types of questions, do plan their days completely out. Yes, sometimes a wrench gets thrown in there and they have to adapt, but there is comfort and strength in knowing what needs to be done and having a plan to get there. We can fool ourselves into believing that we are a "free spirit" and just "go with the flow", but after awhile, that flow ends up in the sewer and I get tired of smelling like it!

So how do we get organized when our house looks like a tornado went through it, we have a ton of "to do" items coming up, and oh yeah, the holidays are upon us? I don't have a pat answer for ya. Sorry, I'm not a miracle worker (yet!). That being said, I do believe that the first place to start is to start with the next day and the next week. Find you a calendar system that you like and print it out or buy it. I have several on my Pinterest boards. Then block out time for activities that you need to do. Talk with your family and make sure they know what is going to begin changing. Uh oooh, it's beginning to feel a little uncomfortable isn't it? You gotta think about all that T.V. time, or in my case reading time! Let's make a pinky promise, shall we? Hold your pinky up and promise me that you will make a calendar for you and your family by Sunday evening. Focus on finding a calendar you like for the next couple of days and if you need help on how to use it (don't laugh &/or don't feel bad- lots of people need the help, they just don't ask for it!), check back on Friday for my blog on how to do this. If you already have the calendar thing down, you might still check in and see if I share any tips that might help you to be even more savvy! Now don't think this is going to solve anything, because now we have to learn to live by the calendar! But, it is a beginning and that is what we need right? We will never be able to achieve the things we need to if we don't have a plan. I don't know about you, but when I don't have a plan, I end up "eat[ing] the bread of idleness" (v. 27) and then the cycle of "I shoulda", "I'm a failure", and "I can't get it done" starts and quite honestly, I've spent enough years there and I ain't going back!!!!

Did you get your dishes done? I did, but have another sink full! My dishwasher broke over a year ago and I need to "find" the money to get it fixed or replaced. I have the feeling that you ladies are going to be the accountability I need to get that done, but that's "a whole nother" blog. I will be praying for you! Change is hard and remember that change God wants in your life will be met with harsh road blocks. The enemy hates it when we decide to do God's work in our home! Time to go pick up my daughter from preschool. Until next time, <3 ya all!        

An Imperfect Beginning

I have been dabbling in blogging for awhile now. I started after my husband was injured in a car wreck and we realized that God was doing a whole lot in our lives, but we had to be patient so One Couple, 40 Days was born. Lately, God has been doing something different with me. I feel the need to change drastically and throughout the beginning stages of this, I have been meeting other women who are going through some of the same things I am. Since I try to write about my life in a transparent manner, I felt prodded to start a blog that is focused on more of a woman's perspective. Of course the things that I am working on tend to be centered around home and hearth and where else would we find an example of that from the Bible than Proverbs 31?

If you know me, you know that I'm not some great theologian. In fact, I struggle to spend time in God's word many days. I love to learn about God, but that quiet time with Him for reading, just seems like the hardest thing to do sometimes. So taking a page out of my friend Les Linz's playbook, I'm going to focus only on Proverbs 31 for 40 days. (If you aren't familiar with Les, plug his name into Amazon.com and you will find out about his book and journey this past Lent season.) Our Pastor, Bill Lockman, loves to do verse by verse studies of the Bible. I love this style of teaching, but as I said, I'm not a theologian, so you are going to get whatever God is teaching me at the moment.

If you are familiar with this chapter in the Bible, you may be wondering why I didn't say, I'm focusing on verses 10-31, since that deals with "The Wife of Noble Character." There are some nuggets in verses 1-9 that I think God wants us to see too. Now before I lose those of you who are thinking this is another "come to Jesus" blog, let me tell you that I can't help but let my faith show, it is who I am. However, I won't be preaching at you, rather just sharing with you what God's showing me in my own life. Sometimes, I blow it pretty good and sometimes I get it right, but either way, I share it.

So why Proverbs 31? Last month was my 41st birthday. As many of you know, I tend to use Facebook quite a bit and one dear friend on FB (and in my everyday life) gave me a birthday wish that really got me to thinking. She told me that I am a Proverbs 31 woman. What a huge compliment! That comment really got me to thinking, am I really or do I just give the outward appearances of it? I have come to the conclusion that I am in a few ways, but in many ways, I'm lacking. Let me set one thing straight, I don't believe that any woman can be the Proverbs 31 woman. I believe that this profile given is an excellent example to work towards, but there isn't a one of us who can make all of that happen. So hear me clearly, or as my grandpa used to say, "hear me good," don't let this passage of the Bible saddle you with guilt! Guilt isn't from God, but rather the enemy. Instead, let God show you where you are doing things really right and other areas where you need to change.

You may be thinking, "OK, Karen, that's all well and fine, but how is this going to help me?" I'm not sure! Here's what I know: I'm gonna share some skeletons in my closet so some of those women who are trying to do it all and are falling short may be able to relate; I'm gonna share my struggle and my journey with what God is showing me I need to change; and I'm gonna listen to those of you who reach out to me and be non-judgemental and encouraging. From just thinking and praying about this for the past few weeks, I have met several women who are in the same spot as me- trying to get it all done and feeling like a failure when they don't. I don't have all of the answers, but hopefully, what I am learning and willing to share will help someone who needs it.

So does this resonate with you? Are you ready to get going? If so, please do 3 things: 1) leave a comment on this blog. It can be a simple as "Hi, Karen!" or as deep as what you hope I will mention. The reason I ask you to comment is that I'm gonna be talking to God about you (aka praying for you). I mentioned I have a hard time with Bible study, but one thing I know I do pretty good is to pray. I believe prayer changes us, our circumstances, and the world around us. When you comment on this blog, I'm adding you to my prayer list.  2) Grab a Bible and read Proverbs 31. I will be sharing passages using the New International Version or The Message primarily. This translation and paraphrase are easy for us to understand. You don't have to read this everyday, but it would help if you have read it and have an idea of where I'm gonna go. 3) Talk to God about this. If you haven't prayed in a while (or ever), just talk to Him like a friend. It doesn't have to be fancy, God doesn't need "thees" and "thous" and hallelujahs all in your prayer to listen to you. He just wants you to talk to Him. Some of you may be so mad at God right now that all you can get out is "God!" That's fine! He hears you. If I was there with you right now, I would give you a hug and let you know there are lots of people feeling the same thing you are and you are not alone! God will meet you right where you are at. What does that mean? It means if you are willing to allow Him even a fraction of a second of your day, He will be there with you ready to listen, ready to comfort, ready to help.

So, whether you are a momma with 7 kids, work from home, work 2 jobs, stay at home, not married, married without kids, or just starting your adult life I hope you will find something in my writing that speaks to you! Have a pile of dishes waiting on you, but you are sitting at the computer instead of doing them? So do I! (That pic isn't my sink, mine's worse! And of course, I can't stand small fish bowls...)

Have a couple of baskets full of socks not matched? So do I! Wonder how you are going to pay all of the bills and put food on the table? So do I. Want more out of your life than what you have day in and day out? So do I. Struggle to make it through the day and get even 1 thing accomplished? I have days like that. You aren't alone and God uses imperfect people to do things that we can't even imagine. Hang in there girl and talk to you again real soon! <3 ya all! Now I think I will go do some dishes...