"Why Don't They Just Get a Job?"

"Why don't they just get a job and get off welfare/get out of poverty/become better providers?" Have you ever thought that? I know I have been guilty of it numerous times! God gave me a hard lesson to learn recently in regards to this. I hope my stumbling around this issue helps you.

I have been a stay at home/work from home momma since our daughter was born 5 years ago. I wish that I could say that I was the ultimate homemaker/money manager/super mom, but my reality is not that at all! But, that is for another post! In this time, we have struggled with finances. Many times, that has been due to me thinking "if I just try this, I can make us some more money" when the reality is, I just threw good money after a bad idea. (Yes, that is downright hard to admit! After all, I have a whole lot of education that says I should be able to do better! Again, this will be an upcoming post.) Let me be clear on something, these five years have been hard in many ways (and not all of them were things we could control, like my husband's accident that left him out of work for more than 8 months due to an injury), but they have been years we will cherish for the hard times as well as the great times! As our daughter prepares to enter kindergarten, we decided that I should go ahead and get a part time job for a bit to pay for upcoming school expenses, etc. and then when she went to school, I could look into something full time. This became an experience!

I thought that with all of the "help wanted" signs in our town, getting a job would be a breeze. Boy, was I wrong! I am a college educated, professionally experienced woman. My background is varied from non-profits to retail to computer network administration. I studied psychology and sociology and have tons of leadership experience. I thought that if anyone should be able to land a part time retail or customer service job, it should be me! I obediently went to the companies' webpages and spent hours filling out applications and taking their placement tests. Many times, immediately after taking the test, I was told that I was not a good fit, but my application would be held on file for 6 months and after that I could reapply. The one that really got to me was the local McDonald's. These people have all kinds of smiling adults working for them and even handing out little slips of paper encouraging you to go their website and apply for a job. I talked to team members there and they said that they were in dire need of help. I figured I had that one in the bag! Wrong again. I submitted the online application, took the test, and never heard from them.

You can imagine at this point that I was fed up! I had spent hours applying to these companies who repeatedly placed ads, had signs up, and practically begged their customers to apply. Not one, I repeat, NOT ONE company called me for a job interview. I am an active job seeker whose past work experience shows that I am dependable, hard working, and a leader and yet I couldn't get an hourly job when these companies say that they will pretty much take anyone. Now before you think that there is something wrong with me, I talked with some other individuals who have experienced this same issue. Quite honestly, I believe that by automating and "streamlining" their hiring process, many large companies have effectively shot themselves in the foot.

Here is where the lesson comes into play. Remember, I told you about my credentials? Also about my work ethic and the knowledge I have at my disposal? Now take all of that away. What if you are a newly single mom trying to get a job to support your kids? Child support (if you get it) won't cover all of your expenses so you know you need to work. What if you are a dad who is trying to make some extra money in time for those added school supply costs? You are willing to work, but no one seems to give you a chance. What if you are a teenage mom and you spend days applying but get no takers? Guess welfare is looking better all of the time!

This ended up being a social experiment for me and made me think beyond the surface. It has made me question who else might be trying as hard as I did and repeatedly be turned down. Repeatedly, the Bible tells us not to judge others, but judge their fruit. What if in some cases, their fruit is being stunted not by their own hand, but by the world? Yes, I know that there is a lot more to it than that, but simplify it for a moment. I can imagine how some people would become depressed, hopeless, and give up. What if you can do something about it? Would you?

Luckily for me, (not really luck, but the hand of God in my life) a brother in Christ, whom I had worked for before, offered me a job that fits beautifully into our life. But what about those others who don't have the connections that I do? What about those who don't even have one soul to cheer them on? Before you judge a person to be lazy, stupid, or worthless, figuratively walk a mile in their shoes and see where you would end up in those same circumstances. Most especially, take a moment to pray over them (they don't have to know)! You may be THE ONLY person who is praying for that individual.

I hope that this post gave you a little insight into another's circumstances. If you at least stop and think about this after thinking "why don't they just get a job?" then my job has been accomplished. Yes, there are lazy individuals in this world who would rather be "on the dole" than working to earn their keep. I'm not wearing my rose colored glasses anymore; but maybe, just maybe some of those people need a little help that you can provide in order to get going. <3 ya all!      

Conflict...Dread it or Use it? 5 Points to Ponder

Many times Christians are portrayed as meek and mild individuals who can be walked all over. Nothing could be further from the truth! The gospel is a radical and dangerous tool! Christians set precedents, start movements, and shake people up. We are speakers of truth, seekers of the light, and champions of the downtrodden. With all of that on a grand scale, sometimes we don't know what to do when we encounter conflict with our brothers and sisters in our church family. 

Not everyone will see the world as you do. Shocker, I know! God has uniquely gifted you with that sight through your life experiences, His revelations to you through the study of His word, and through learning to love like Him. Because of those differing views, conflict can arise, especially during times of change. We need to be very guarded of our responses to conflict and not give the enemy a chance to step into the work God has planned. 

Here are some of the things I have learned in dealing with conflict within the body of Christ:

1. Always take it to God. Now you may be thinking, "That's well and fine, Karen, but sometimes I have to deal with it immediately." Yep, you do at times! So what do you do? That's where I go for my "Hail Mary prayer." No, that isn't the beloved Catholic prayer of intercession, but rather a football term. According to Wikipedia, a Hail Mary is "a very long forward pass in American football, made in desperation with only a small chance of success, especially at or near the end of a half." Now, in this usage, let me clarify how I feel about that. I am desperate for God to intervene in the situation and take control of my words and reactions. Now, the difference here is that I believe my "Hail Mary prayer" will be answered, not that there is a slim chance of success. So what does that look like? I simply cry out to God in my mind and say, "Your words Father, not mine." Check out Matthew 10:19-20. Sometimes, I have to do this numerous times in a conversation; not because God didn't answer the first prayer, but because I can feel my emotions and myself getting in the way. 
2. Change is hard and people react differently to it. Some people shut down, disconnect, and try to pretend it isn't happening. Some people get confrontational. Some feel personally singled out or some feel totally ignored. When your church is going through a major change that you may be involved in, it is your job to LISTEN! Regardless of how invested in that change you are, you must always consider your brother's or sister's feelings. Sometimes, that listening ear is all it takes to resolve the conflict issue. Other times, God may have placed that person in opposition to what you are trying to do for a reason. Perhaps there is a facet of the change that needs fine tuned and God is using this individual to point that out. This is where you need to pray for discernment and wisdom as you consider what is being said to you. Don't discount something because you might think that the person doesn't know what he is talking about. Rather, prayerfully consider the statement and see if God is redirecting an area of change. 
3. Don't take conflict personally. This one is a hard one for me. Until recently, when someone disagreed with something I said, I felt that he was rejecting me and my whole point of view. I think this is a trap that women fall into numerous times. We are relational creatures and we sometimes forget that we can separate our relationship out of the issue of disagreement. This is where you need to pray that God teaches you to love like Jesus and that your worth is found only in Him. We get caught up in the moment and we forget that it isn't about who is right or who is wrong, or what side of the argument you fall on. Rather we should be thinking if we need to agree to disagree and still love one another. Conflict can be a beautiful tool of change if you remember that you love and respect the other individual. 
4. And oh yeah, if you haven't seen it yet- PRAY! Remember that "agree to disagree" that you just read in the last point? If the conflict has come to that, be sure that you are bathing it in prayer. If you are open and honest with God, you can humbly pray, "Father, I don't know if I'm right or if he is; please either change his way of thinking or change mine." Now, it's God's issue. You will find that emotions run high, but when you let God take over, He redirects those emotions and gives you the Spirit's peace. Now here is the kicker: when you start realizing you are having a conversation in your head with this person (you know the one I mean, "he's gonna say this and I'm gonna zing him with this!"), you have to remember to turn it back over to God! The enemy is trying to stir up your emotions again and you cannot perform good conflict resolution when your emotions are running high and likely biased. 
5. Remember to choose your words carefully. James 3:5-10 tells us that raging fires can be set ablaze by our words. When conflict arises, it is your job not to add fuel to the fire, but to be a peacemaker. It is not our job to change a person's heart, that's up to God. It is our job to speak life, love, and respect into another's life and viewpoint.

I hope that these things I have learned (many times the hard way) have helped you. Do you have points to add? Be sure to share them in the comments. Until next time, <3 you all!  

I'm Baaaack!

A ton has changed in my life since my last post back in December. Just after the holidays, life got hard. Chad and I entered a season of prayer, fasting, and counseling. We had a huge choice to make and it was gut wrenching!

Over the past two years, God has really been growing us and feeding our faith immensely. I can't think of another period in my life when I could actually see the changes God was making in me and my family at such an incredible rate. My husband's walk with the Lord became personal and intimate. I am so proud of all he has done, changed, and become in this period of time! I can only attribute the changes in him to the Lord. How do I know, you wonder. Sometimes when he is giving me advice or talking on a spiritual or church issue, the words coming out of his mouth are so deeply rooted in God's will and word that I know the Spirit is guiding him.

Our daughter continues to grow in her love of the Lord and brings joy to our lives daily! She constantly shines with love for Jesus and those around her. Then there's me.

God has done some tough work in me. I know He hasn't finished and I'm anxious to see what will become of me next. At the beginning of the year, I chose to take time off from blogging. If you know me and my quest to lead transparently, you may feel a little slighted by that time off. Perhaps, you are thinking to yourself that I should have shared with you as I walked through that wilderness. Well sister, let me tell you that I really feel God didn't want me to. I may have said things that were hurtful to some because I felt hurt. I may have lashed out at people, when it wasn't people that deserved my ire. I'm not perfect (earth shattering revelation there!). Thankfully, my Lord knows this and He knows in my heart, I never want to hurt anyone with my words or actions. So during this time, I felt my hands were tied when it came to blogging. Then recently, one of my brothers in Christ asked me if I was still writing. I waited it out a bit and felt the call back to write, so here I am.

To give you the gist of the change in our world, Chad and I decided to switch churches. Now, some of you might be thinking, "so what? People do it every day." Not us! Our home church was the place I had grown up in since my freshman year of high school. When we married, I told my husband if he wanted to go somewhere else I would, but he chose to stay at our church. This church was our home, our family, and the place we cut our spiritual teeth. It was filled with people we loved (including several of my family members). However, we began to feel conflicted. It seemed like nothing we were doing was working right. Initially, that made us want to push harder. We felt that we were fighting a spiritual battle. We later came to find out we were, but not in the way we thought!

One evening, after another round of sobbing my heart out to God, I told Chad I felt like we needed to seek some outside help. Through our daycare, I had connected with Brian Richard, the lead minister of Brownstown Christian Church. I reached out to him and he graciously offered to talk with us. We spoke with him several times over several months and each time he urged us to prayer, fasting, and listening to what the Spirit was telling us. He guided us with wisdom and truth and through that experience we learned so much! Never once did he tell us we should up and leave our home church. He was very sensitive to our feelings. He constantly reminded me (specifically) that, "it is not about you." He was right, it was never about my feelings, but about what God made me to do.

I now realize we were going through a time of mourning. We didn't want to leave what we knew and loved, but God had different plans for us! Many tears were shed, but looking back, I feel that was entirely appropriate.

Over my time at my home church, I had been blessed with 3 different lead ministers. Each one taught me how to grow in my spiritual walk. Each one imparted something of himself into my formative spiritual growth. They challenged me, influenced me, and loved me. I learned so many lessons from each man and am so appreciative of the teaching each one poured into my life! I also grew very close to other ministry members through the years, especially the women. My voice and growth were influenced by devout women of God. Their love and guidance helped me to lead confidently as I walk out my faith. What I didn't want to see, was God leading us away from there! I was comfortable. I was useful. I was growing.

After several months, Chad decided we were moving our membership to Brownstown Christian Church. While I was totally on board, I won't say it was easy. However, after being at BCC for 3 months now, I feel like we have been there forever! I now know God was trying to get me to let go of the tight grip I had on my home church in order for us to grow in new ways. We are so excited by the opportunities and potential at BCC!

I share all of this with you so that you will understand our journey. I now know what some ministers and their families must feel when they are being called to a new location. We didn't take this decision lightly and would never encourage anyone else to. It was a hard struggle! We loved where we were at and still love our church family there! I hinted that I felt that this time of decision was a wilderness. It was because the enemy was working on us constantly! We had to speak to each other constantly and work to make sure that we didn't allow our perceptions to be tainted. Boy that was a hard one! While I now know, God was leading us away, I was so overly sensitive and emotional during this time that the enemy was having a heyday and it was only through constant prayer and reliance on the Father that I was able to keep myself under control. Well, I may have had some "out of control" times, but thankfully, I had some strong brothers and a fabulous husband to help me!

Do you feel the Father leading you away from something you are comfortable with? Sometimes, God has to make us let go of something we cherish in order to bring us something that we will learn to cherish. While we may think we know what we are doing, or where we are at is great (and it most likely is), God may have a use for you in another place. Even if you were to only make a difference in one life for the Kingdom, it is a job only you can do because He made you that way! Change is hard, but God always has your best interest at heart! <3 ya all!